i am a struggling christian an have been going to church for a few years now but i have been struggling with homosexuality for a long time. i hide behind smiles and laughs but i know god sees who i truly am and im not who everybody thinks i am. i am lost and need the lords help. i know he is there but why did he make me this way if it wasnt suposed to be. i dont understand. my life has been a roller coaster of bulling and rejection and i am just about through. i am at my last ends. i want to die this pain hurts so bad and i dont know what to do. i cry myself to sleep. im pitiful. its obvious to the church that i am not the most masculine man there but still nobody helps.i cant go to my family beause they will disown me. i cant go to my friends because they dont understand me. this is getting to much. please i dont know what to do.....ps i apologize for the length of this letter.oo